The Hellephant-Powered Jeep Wagoneer Trackhawk Will Be Epic

The internet is ablaze with articles dissecting the Jeep Grand Wagoneer and its less powerful Wagoneer sibling, and although we have spent some time comparing it to the competition, we’ve also been thinking about “mo’ powa babeh!” After all, if we didn’t do it, someone else would. So here it is, this is our idea of what a Jeep Grand Wagoneer Trackhawk would look like, and if we say so ourselves, it hasn’t come out too badly. Yes, we know, the Wagoneer isn’t really a Jeep product and its focus lies solely on luxury, not speed, but hey, this is still a car made by the conglomerate that stuffed a Hellcat engine into a Durango…

As a bigger, more badass version of the Jeep Grand Cherokee Trackhawk, chrome must go. Thus, our version would feature gloss black accents in the front grille and we’d bring back the concept’s full-width LED running light. Below that, a triple nostril would hint at the hellish motor under the hood, while sportily styled grilles and swoops would make the SUV look fast even while it’s standing still. Large wheels in a dark anthracite finish would fit in nicely too, and we’d get rid of all the chrome around the windows as well. For a sleeker look, the A-pillars, the roof rails, and the roof itself would be finished in more gloss black paint.

Because this is our creation and we can do as we please, we’d forget about fitting a boring old Hellcat or Demon engine. After all, the Wagoneer is the ultimate symbol of excess and luxury, so the Trackhawk version should be the ultimate symbol of power and ridiculousness. That’s why we’d cram in a frankly stupid Hellephant engine, giving our luxury performance SUV a bonkers 7.0-liter V8 with a 3.0-liter twin-screw supercharger. This would result in an SUV with 1,000 horsepower and 950 lb-ft of torque, but because we’re not suicidal, we’d have all-wheel-drive too. Sure, it’s a daft idea, but so is creating the most advanced Jeep ever and then styling it like a brick.